


Love's Chokehold

by Aarvis



Category: Bleach
Genre: But wow, I mean one's bi and the other's pan, M/M, SO GAY, Slow Burn, boy I have plans for this, but like will i get to it?, but that'll change, grimmjow is a godless heathen, ichigo is self deprecating, probably not, what a bunch of gays
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2018-07-24 00:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7485102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aarvis/pseuds/Aarvis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ichigo thinks he's unlovable, and Grimmjow thinks that's bullshit. Grimmjow thinks he's gonna die before he turns nineteen, but Ichigo thinks that's bullshit too. - Two angry kids in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All the right moves.

**Author's Note:**

> 10/16/16 - I discovered something I wrote back when I was thirteen and decided to rewrite it. It's becoming a theme. It's always fun to see what we did when we were young. Apparently thirteen year old me really liked time stopping romance. I have no idea where this is going, but I just felt inspired to try my hand at writing again. Comments would be appreciated. :-)

 

"Hey Ichigo, did you hear about the new foreign exchange student?"

The classroom echoed with squeals of excitement from the students, all but for one redhead at the back of the classroom, head held in his hands lazily.

"They say there's a student coming in from Germany." Keigo said, his eyes slanted at Ichigo presumptuously for what might have been the third time that day. Ichigo turned his head to give Keigo a scowl, but was seemingly unfazed.

"So what?" Ichigo sighed.

"Don't give me that. German girls are supposed to be really hot! I mean, look at Nel!" Nelliel, who sat in the first chair of row C, was already looking in their direction and waved with wild abandon. Such excitement was exhausting, but Ichigo spared a wave back. She definitely wasn't lacking in her physical appearance, but that didn’t mean he had to give Keigo the satisfaction of agreement.

"One of these days, I’m going to sick Chad on you."

"Don't say that man, come on! You and I both know she practically eye rapes you every chance she gets, you lucky bastard. There's no point in denying it!" Keigo spat, pointing an accusing finger in his direction. Ichigo rolled his eyes and yawned. He had spent last night finishing some last minute homework he had forgotten about from Wednesday. By the time his alarm woke him up for school, he had only gotten two hours of sleep in. He was not ready for Keigo's bullshit.

"So you think it's a girl?"

"I personally don't give a shit Keigo. Listen man, I’m trying to catch some z’s, don't you have a girl to stalk or something?" Keigo rolled his eyes with great disdain, but went back to his desk all the same. Not long after, the teacher entered.

"Simmer down class!"

"As you may know, we have a new student here with us today." Her nasally voice projected over whispers. "His name is Grímr and he's a foreign exchange student from Germany. I know you will all do your best to make him feel welcome."

The guys of the class face-planted into their desks in despair, while the girls squirmed in their seats in anticipation to see the new student. This all made Ichigo scrub his face tiredly. A hush fell over the classroom, and despite himself, Ichigo peeked through his hands to get a look.

Beside the teacher stood a figure far too imposing for a teenaged boy. He was perhaps a few inches shorter than Ichigo, with broad shoulders and an electric blue hair styled to messy perfection. He was as intimidating as guy could be; with cruel eyes, a killer intent, and an aura of rage that could be felt even from the back of the room. Even so, he wore a crooked smile on his face. Less a of a smile, really, and more of a bearing of teeth. His posture was hunched and he with a sort of swagger, hands in his pockets, chin held high as if he were looking down on everyone. He probably was. He had no blemishes on his face, and his skin was glazed tan, complementing the brightness of his hair.  
He noticed his eyes were a piercing azure blue. He also noticed that they were boring into his own, as if he were challenging him to do something about it.

“That name of mine is a real mouthful. Ya’ll can just call me Grimmjow.”

"Grimmjow, why don't you sit behind Mr. Kurosaki in the very back, by the window?" The teacher suggested amiably.  
____________________________________________________________

When the bell rang Ichigo made his way up the flights of stairs leading to the top of the school building. It was his secret spot. It’s access was usually restricted for students by the school, but he had acquired a duplicate key from a shifty kid a few semesters back. It was essentially a haven only he knew about that he could retreat to whenever he liked. He approached the wire railing of the roof’s edge, leaning over with a sigh.

He new this particular story, and he wasn't about to have a re-run. 'Best not get in trouble this semester Kurosaki-san, you may not keep your enrollment next time.' The principal had said. Even though it was a simple meeting of eyes, Ichigo recognized the fighting type when he saw it. 

It had only been a few weeks since his last violent incident on school grounds. Someone had been bullying a friend of his. Using the word friend was generous, he's hated Ishida ever since they met but he didn't want the guy getting beat up. Ishida had some crazy dude named Szayle leaving murderous notes in his locker and scary messages scratched on his school desk for weeks until finally things boiled over and Szayle ambushed him at the track behind the school where Ishida practices. The altercation had been bloody, but Ichigo was no stranger to a good fight. By the end of it Inoue, a mutual friend of Ishida and his, had brought the gym coach who had stayed late that day had intervened, and Szayle had been exposed as a creep to the school staff. This spelled expulsion for the pink haired nut job. Unfortunately due to the severity of the altercation, Ichigo was meant to be expelled as well, but retained his enrollment solely for his involvement in trying to save another student. He was suspended for days and put on academic probation. No more helping out Tatsuki's dojo, much to the raven's dismay. When he returned the principal had made it very clear that he was not to be involved in such an altercation again. 

When those cerulean eyes bore into his, he saw mischief and aggression. Hostility and contention. He didn't need any of that right now, not with things going so well. 

He knew better.

After a few moments, he let the weight of his eyelids drag him and the rest of his body down to the concrete of the roof, sparing a last glance to the muted sky. The wind was just right today; you could hear it blowing through the trees. It was perfect for a quick nap.  
____________________________________________________________

Ichigo hadn't been woken up by a kiss before.

He thought perhaps it was apart of a dream. The sensation was so foreign that he almost didn’t believe he was awake.

Some one's lips were on his mouth.

There’s an unmistakable weight and wetness that most kisses have, but this one was warm and soft. The invader was very gentle, one could say almost reverent if not for the darting of tongue on his lower lip. Ichigo mentally kicked himself for not immediately opening his eyes, but when he did, his uncertainty of his consciousness only intensified.

It was the foreign guy.

He was hunched over Ichigo on his elbows and knees, caging him beneath his body. Foreign guy broke the kiss and smiled. Neither of them blinked.

"Habe ich dich erschreckt?"

Ichigo was perplexed. Of all the things he thought the man capable of at first glance, kissing him while he was unawares was not one of them. He laid there for a good three seconds before shoving him away just enough to punch him square in the jaw, scrambling to his feet and getting some distance between them.

The foreign kid sat on the floor for a few moments, before standing up holding his cheek.

"Shit man, you really pack a punch..."

Ichigo rubbed furiously at his mouth.

"What the hell?!" He screamed incredulously. "So you can speak Japanese too, huh? Well listen here you bastard, don't you ever touch me again or I swear you'll have bruises where the sun don't shine!"

"It's a greeting in America. Don't get your panties in a twist." Foreign guy grumbled, leaning against the nearby railing.

"America?! I thought you were from Germany!"

"I came from Germany to Japan, but that doesn't mean I'm not American."

"Well, take my advice and don't 'greet' someone in Japan like that. Ever."

"So you didn’t like it?" Foreign guy said, sounding all the more a spurned child.

Ichigo took a nervous step back. "Didn’t like- I don't even know you and you're putting your dirty mouth on me you crazy person!"

"You’re just mad because you liked it so much."

"I-I didn't fuckin' like it!" Ichigo sputtered.

Foreign guy gave him a wolfish grin that sent Ichigo's teeth on edge.

"I know for a fact you did. You sighed into my mouth all happy n’ shit"

"That was molestation, I wasn’t aware or consenting to what just happened. I’m not even gay!" Ichigo insisted, pushing the foreigner further away

"Not gay my ass, you definitely liked it."

"Are you trying to get beat up?"

Foreign guy ran his fingers through his messy blue hair. "Might want to watch what you say little Red, you might catch trouble you can't handle."

"Please. I could take you any day of the week. And my name is Kurosaki!"

"I wouldn't want to bruise such a pretty face." Foreign guy said, raising a hand to caress Ichigo’s cheek. Ichigo was quick to smack the offending hand away.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Foreign guy caught Ichigo's hand and brought it to his lips, teeth grazing his knuckles. "The real question is when you'll go on a date with me."

Ichigo gaped at him, snatching his hand away. He was clearly insane.

"Stay away from me."

"You'll come around. They always do."

"The fuck I will! The next time you touch me, I'll kill you."

Ichigo returned to class with Foreign Guy close behind. The rest of the school day consisted of the foreigner pulling Ichigo's metaphorical pigtails before Ichigo had had enough and tried to strangle him. They needed three male teachers to pry Ichigo off the blue haired troublemaker. Needless to say, they got suspended.

____________________________________________________________

Ichigo and the Foreign guy both got sent to the Principal's office and were suspended for the remainder of the day. The Principal couldn't even get through lecturing them without being interrupted by the two's incessant arguing.

Ichigo could hardly sleep that night. When he closed his eyes, all he could see were the infuriating electric blue eyes peering out at him from depths of his mind.

 


	2. Just say yes.

"Shinji, why am I here?" Ichigo grumbled in the most petulant tone he could muster.

"Is that rhetorical?" He replied, unfazed by the whining. Ichigo and Shinji had met each other in their first year of secondary school. The first thing Ichigo recalls Shinji saying was "Dude, that's some awesome hair!". As a child Shinji had grown his hair long and had gotten picked on for being so 'girly'. He didn't care though, and respected anyone with the willingness to be different. Though Ichigo may have been an unwilling participant in the statement his hair made (seeing as his hair was natural), it didn't matter to Shinji. He didn't dye it a regular color to fit in, so it counted in his book. Everyone at the time was scared to talk to him because he was in a lot of fights and had less than ordinary hair. 

Shinji was one of his first friends.

"Forget I said anything." Ichigo responded, a little sad that attempt number twenty seven to get under Shinji's skin had failed. Shinji was a shopper, and when he got into his head that someone needed a makeover, he browsed department store after department store for hours on end until he found exactly what he wanted. Shinji was rummaging through the clothes of the small thrift store, picking out all the tight shirts and wifebeaters he could get his hands on. Ichigo was reasonably sure that it wasn't his intention, but anyone would have noticed that 80% of the stuff Shinji was pulling out for him were pretty much only stuff he would wear.

"How about this one?" Shinji asked, holding up an ice blue t-shirt with short sleeves. Just glancing at the color of the shirt made Ichigo’s mind wander to that damn bastard's face. It had been less than a week since the incident, and the foreign guy had been harassing Ichigo every chance he got. Poking him in the halls, kicking his seat during class, following him into the bathroom. Ichigo should have already put an end to this.

"Earth to Ichi!" Shinji said, waving the offending t-shirt in his friend’s face. "What the hell, man? You want my help with your shopping or not?" Shinji said, an eyebrow rose, daring me to say anything other than yes.

"Yes of course Shin, but -"

"Then shut up and buckle down, because I refuse to let my best friend wear shit clothes if I have a say in it." Shin said with his back turned pointedly, rustling through hangers and shelves.

"My clothes are fine Shin."

"You’re right, they’re fine, but you should look fantastic!"

"Shin, we talked about this a thousand times.”

"Ichi, I know you think you’re some kind of ugly duckling, but I’m telling you. If you would dress nicer, I’d be beating off the ladies with a stick. And the guys!" Ichigo rolled his eyes. He didn't need that sort of attention anyway. Ichigo made a beeline to the back of the store, only to see Starrk smoking a cigarette out the back door.

"Hey Starrk, how’ve you been?" Starrk looked up at me from his cigarette, eyes glazed over. He spared a friendly smile.

"Hey boy, I've been alright. What about you?" He smiled, taking a drag and letting it blow out the door.

"Yeah, been pretty good I guess." Ichigo politely smiled back.

"You sure? 'Cause you look like you could use a fag more than I do." Starrk said, offering him a stick from his box, which Ichigo accepted with a nod. Ichigo brought the cigarette to his lips, and was flooded with a sense memory. The smell was oaky and velvety, the same smell that the Foreign guy smelled like when he…

"Damn it! I'm so angry. I can’t even have a smoke without seeing his stupid face!" Ichigo huffed exasperatedly, throwing the cancer stick to the ground. He averted his gaze to the doorway, when his eyes caught electric blue hair.

Speak of the devil, and he will appear.

It was him.

To his surprise, foreign guy was bent over a cardboard box at the edge of the lot between Starrk’s Thrift Shop, and Harribel's Diner.

"There something wrong Ichi? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Ichigo wanted to respond, but nothing would come out of his mouth when he tried. His eyes were glued to foreign guy’s figure in the distance, whose arms were elbow deep in the cardboard box.

A kitten.

He pulled out a baby kitten. How is it that a man so infuriating and lecherous could be capable of pulling small kittens from boxes? Foreign guy took his index finger and gently rubbed under the kitten's neck and behind its ears. A soft scowl bloomed over his features, and Ichigo couldn’t help but feel that universe was out to get him.

"Oh. You know that kid, Ichigo?" Starrk inquired hazily.

Ichigo looked down at him, managing words this time.

"Y-yeah… he goes to my school. He’s new."

Starrk looked at me and back at foreign guy.

“Huh. Well, he comes around that spot, always picking up that kitten. I think he wants to take it home, but I never seen him leave with it."

As if on cue, foreign guy, (whose name Ichigo could not remember to save his life) turned and looked directly at Ichigo, his face turning from a soft scowl to a murderous grin.

One look was enough for Ichigo to panic. He curtly told Starrk goodbye, and rushed his way the front doors of the shop.

"Ichi, where are ya headed?" Shinji yelled. When Ichigo turned to respond, he had expected to see foreign guy on his trail somewhere in the store, but there was just Shinji. Ichigo visibly relaxed, feeling stupid for thinking that foreign guy might pursue him. He leaned back to rest against the door, but instead, found something much softer and warmer. He slowly looked up and to his horror saw a sea of blue.

"Didja miss me, gorgeous?"  
____________________________________________________________

Foreign guy wrapped his arms around Ichigo, and leaned in to nuzzle his hair.

“Get the fuck off me.”

“Come on, I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“It’s been two days. I’m serious get off me.” Ichigo growled tugging at his arms.

“You don’t seem to mind it all that much.” Foreign guy said, but released him despite himself. Shinji made his way over to the pair, looking at Foreign guy with a scrutinous eye.

“Ichi who the fuck is this.” He said with arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah Red, tell him who I am.” Foreign guy drowled. In that moment, Ichigo greatly resembled a deer caught in the headlights.

"Um." Ichi mumbled intelligently.

“You don’t remember my name? I’m hurt Red!” Grimm said feigning insult, then mimed tipping his hat. “Grímr Jaegerjaquez at your service. My friends call me Grimmjow,” he announced pointedly to Shinji, then softer to Ichigo. “my good friends call me Grimm.”

“Right, okay. This is enough shopping for one day. Shinji I have somewhere to be, we can pick up where we left off another time.” Ichigo stated, then quickly made a break for it out the entrance. He walked along the side walked and made it past Harribell’s before being caught by the arm.

“What the hell do you want Grimmjow.”

“Aww, are we friends now? I’m honored.” Grimm exclaimed. Ichigo shucked his hand off his arm and turned away.

“Look I have somewhere to be right now, go find someone else to stalk.” he asserted before being turned around by two strong hands on either shoulder.

“You’re lying through your teeth, you have nowhere to be right now. So just say yes.”

“Say yes to what?”

“To a date with me.”

Ichigo meant to get home early that night and get some well needed sleep, but things rarely ever happen that way.


	3. I don't play pretend.

That evening Grimm took Ichigo by the hand and they had dinner at Harribell’s Diner. Ichigo had insisted that it wasn’t a date, that he was just hungry but too lazy to go home and fix something himself, but they both knew better. Grimm would rest his legs against Ichigo’s under the table, and Ichigo would let him. He would try to swipe some of Ichigo’s fries, and Ichigo would threaten murder.

Ichigo let Grimm talk about anything and everything nodding and humming every so often. It was more peaceful than any interaction between them had been.

Towards the end of their meal, Grimm ordered a mint chocolate chip milkshake with two straws, but Ichigo refused to drink it.

“What’s wrong, afraid I’ve got cooties or something?” Grimm inquired after the arrival of their milkshakes.

“It’s not a date. I’m not sharing a milkshake with you.”

“What’s a little spit between friends then?”

“Don’t make me get up from this table. I’ll leave you with the bill.”

“I was gonna pay for it anyway.” Grimm pouted, sipping on his milkshake.  
Ichigo rested his chin in his hands, watching Grimm drink the milkshake. He was so focused on being irritated with Grimm that he never realized how relaxing it was to be with him. It wasn’t as if Grimm was a chill guy. In fact, Grimmjow has zero chill about anything. He was passionate in everything he did and said. Like Ichigo had suspected, he was a delinquent, involved with the wrong sort of people. He already had some kind of gang affiliation with this group called The Espada but not out of any sort of volition of his own. He spoke of how his biggest wish was to become the strongest of the ranks, so he could leave without being followed. He insisted that he was in no real danger, and Ichigo insisted that he didn’t ask.

  
Outside of all that gang stuff, he talked about how much he wanted to get out of Karakura town and get to Tokyo where all the important people go to live, something about making it big and becoming powerful. It was all power and strength with him, and what’s worse is that Ichigo believed that he was serious. All you had to do was look in his eyes. They had this glacial like quality about them that told you all you needed to know.

“Why are you doing this Grimmjow?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Grimm replied, the straw between his teeth.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t like being played with. Why am I here in this diner with you. Why are you telling me all this?”

“We’ve been over this Red, It’s a date.”

“You don’t look like the sort to be into guys. Even if you were, you could have literally anybody you wanted looking the way you do. If you wanted to be my friend, you could have just asked, you don’t have to pretend like this.” Ichigo said matter-of-factly.

Grimm stared blankly at him for a moment. After that, all that Ichigo could recall seeing was a blur of movement and the color blue. Lips were on his and all thought halted in that moment. It was like they were the only two people in the entire diner. Maybe even the entire world. It was a wonderful kiss, if not filthier than the one on the rooftop. It was longer and wetter and so much more real. Hoots and whistles could be heard throughout the diner, pulling them back to the real world before they finally broke the kiss, leaving the soft popping noise of suction between their lips.

“What about that was pretend?” Grimm said wiping excess saliva from his mouth. Ichigo didn’t deign that with a response. He simply hid his head in his hands, trying to cover the massive blush spreading over his features.

In the end, Ichigo had a few sips from the milkshake, much to Grimmjow’s satisfaction, and Grimmjow walked Ichigo home. They didn’t hold hands, but it was a close thing, with Grimm’s hands brushing against Ichigo’s every so often. When they arrived, Grimmjow gave him a simple ‘goodnight’, and headed home alone.

It wasn’t until Ichigo had gotten past his siblings and father grilling him about where he had been, had his shower, and crawled into his bed that he realized that he still didn’t have Grimmjow’s number.


	4. The sky was grey that day.

Since that night, class with Grimm got a lot more bearable, much to the class’s collective relief. Less poking and prodding, more wistful glances and meaningful touches, which earned Ichigo some scornful looks from some of the girls in the class. He didn’t care, though he felt it was uncalled for. They weren’t actually dating. If they wanted to, they could ask Grimm out on a date themselves, but no one was brave enough to do it. Most were put off from the task anyway, seeing as all Grimm ever did was watch Ichigo.

Grimm hasn’t tried to kiss him since that night, but he’s sure got really handsy. The slight brushing of shoulders when walking together. The friendly shoulder touches when talking. The hair ruffling when Grimm felt particularly endeared. There wasn’t a soul in the school that didn’t know that Grimmjow and Ichigo were friends, if not more, and no one dared mention it in their presence, as if it were some kind of taboo. So naturally, Rukia felt she had to bring it up one day during lunch.

“Why do you let him touch you like that?” Rukia said through a mouthful of sandwich, causing Ichigo to inhale some of his green tea. He sputtered for a moment before clearing his throat. Thankfully Grimmjow wasn’t there. He decided to skip today for some reason likely less than legal.

“W-who?”

“Don’t be an idiot. I know you’re number twenty eight in the class, so don’t play dumb with me. It’s not cute.”

“I don’t know why,” Ichigo sighed “I guess I just don’t have the energy to tell him to stop anymore.”

“If he’s really irritating you Ichigo, I could give him a talking to.” He knew she could. Boy, could Rukia intimidate a man. He didn’t think Grimmjow would hurt Rukia if she threatened him, but he didn’t really like the idea of her trying.

“No, it’s not like that. I don’t really mind it all that much.”

“He gives me bad vibes Ichigo. He’s probably a criminal.” She’s not wrong.

“He’s not so bad, he’s just a little intense.”

“You’re a little intense. He’s a little insane.” She’s not wrong there either.

“Like you can talk. Renji has tattoos on his freaking face!”

“You can’t bring that up every time you try to make a point, It’s getting old!” She fumed, a light blush forming over her pale cheeks.

“I’m just saying. I can take care of myself.”

“God forbid I try to be a good friend to you.” She huffed, snagging a rice ball from my lunch.

Ichigo looked out the window from where they sat in the classroom. The sky was grey that day.

____________________________________________________________

On his usual route home today Ichigo was caught by Grimmjow at a crosswalk. Ichigo pretended he hadn't seen him.

“Come with me.”

“No, I’m going home.”

“There’s nothing for you there, come with me. I’ll have you home before your bedtime.” Grimm insisted, a hand threading through Ichigo’s hair. Ichigo pushed his hand away, but allowed himself to be guided across the street. They walked in a companionable silence, before reaching their destination. It was the empty lot between the diner and the thrift shop, where soft mewling could be heard emanating from a cardboard box.

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Ichigo said, peering over the edge of the box. A single brown and grey puffball was huddled in the corner with a raggedy blanket and some string. Grimmjow reached in and scooped the puffball up into his arms. Upon closer inspection, the puffball was indeed the same kitten from the other day, with perky ears and gangly legs. Grimm looked at the kitten with such intensity that he thought it might burst into flames.

“I looked it up online. I think it might be a norwegian forest breed.” Grimmjow explained, eyes trained firmly on the cat.

“Why don’t you take it home?”

“No cats allowed in my apartment. I couldn’t take proper care of him anyway.” Grimm says this like he’s stating fact, but his eyes are full of regret.

“We could take it to a shelter.”

“Those places are diseased and inhuman. She deserves better than that.” Grimm said, holding it close to his chest, as if Ichigo would snatch it from him.

“The one here in town is run by a family friend. It’s really not so bad. They take good care of the animals there.” Grimm looked pained at the prospect of saying goodbye to the puffball, but seemed determined not to leave it in the box. He swaddled the cat in the blanket at the bottom of the box, holding it close to his chest in one arm and offering the other free hand to Ichigo.

“Let’s go then.”

Ichigo looked at the hand for a good long while before taking it, and together, they made their way to the animal shelter. Grimm made his tearful goodbye to the puffball, “Bis wir uns wiedersehen.” he had whispered, then promptly took Ichigo’s hand and led him home.

“I was half expecting you to offer to take it home for me.” Grimm had said, not unkindly.

“I’m allergic to cats.” Ichigo deadpanned.

“That’s a damn shame. You would have been cute with a cat, ya’ll have so much in common.”

“That’s my line asshole.”

They held hands the entire way there.


	5. I think I know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all of this content is un-beta'd, so if any of you are interested in that role send me a message.

Winter break had finally arrived, and with it, new developments in his relationship with Grimmjow. They were essentially boyfriends in all but name. Ichigo spent most all of his time at Grimm's apartment, who lived alone.

Grimm's dad was out of the picture, so the only family that he had was his mother Frida who lives back in America. Grimm hasn't spoken to her since he moved, but it would seem they weren't on good terms before that anyway. Every once in awhile he would receive letters in the mail from her, but instead of opening them he would stow them away in a box under his bed dedicated to collecting dust. Even so, he still received a monthly allowance from her, and she took care of his living expenses. Ichigo once asked if he was concerned about getting cut off for not contacting her, and all he had to say in response was "She knows she owes me this much."

His first impression of the flat was it was too spacious for just one person. It hardly felt lived in. Outside of basic furniture, there were very few personal items that could be seen. No wallpaper, no porn mags, not even a laptop to speak of, just boxes that hadn't been opened from the move. Ichigo was just glad that he had a t.v. He brought over an Xbox from his house so that he could beat Grimm's ass at video games all day and load up dumb horror movies on Netflix, but Grimm could never focus for long.

The first time it happened, they were leaning up against each other on the sofa in his living room watching Silent House. Grimm had an arm resting around Ichigo, the palm of his hand resting flat against his hip. The proximity wasn't unusual, especially in the privacy of the apartment. They were both in unspoken agreement that they enjoyed each other's closeness, that was never in doubt. But this instance was different.

It was twenty minutes into the movie when Ichigo felt the hand at his hip tentatively wander up his shirt, settling over his chest, followed by a second hand resting on his stomach. The movement made him fall partially into Grimm's lap. He froze where he sat.

"Grimmjow, what are you doing?"

"You know for someone who's supposed to be smarter than me, you sure act dumb. I'm holding you, you idiot." Grimm huffed, pulling Ichigo flush against his body for emphasis, opening his legs and allowing Ichigo to fall between them.

"I don't under-"

"Do you want me to stop?" Grimm began to backtrack, and Ichigo surprised himself by keeping Grimm’s hands firmly in place.

"No! I mean- It's just that your hands are cold."

"Then warm them up. Now be quiet, I'm trying to watch the movie."

"That's what I was trying to do you bastard..."

Ichigo figured that Grimm was waiting for him to put out, and was anticipating him to initiate something further, but nothing fishy happened after that. Those cold hands pressed against his body gradually warmed up until they were as hot as the skin beneath them. Periodically throughout the movie, Grimm would absent mindedly trace his thumb over his ribs, or rub slow circles around his belly button, and each time Ichigo would shiver and sigh, leaning into Grimm further.

At this point, Ichigo was only paying half attention to the movie. Most of his attention was focused on the wall of Grimm's chest at his back, and his hands on his body. They spent the last hour of the movie in that position, and when the movie was over and the credits began to roll, neither Grimm nor Ichigo tried to move away. Instead, he leaned his head back onto Grimm's shoulder, pulling his hands to rest over Grimm's arms. In turn, Grimm buried his nose into Ichigo's exposed neck, pulling his arms tight and him, embracing him completely.

In that moment Ichigo thought, for the first time, that this must be what it was like to feel totally and completely comfortable with somebody. He had never had the opportunity to be so physically intimate with someone, no strings attached. This simplistic comfort and pleasure that he felt from being held in those strong arms was foreign and confounding, but no less wondrous and exhilarating, just like the man who they belonged to. They fell asleep just like that, wrapped around each other on the sofa, and when they both woke up to find it was past midnight, Grimmjow was the perfect gentlemen and helped sneak Ichigo back to his house through his bedroom window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyy I update slow, sorry. There is no real set date, it's just when I feel motivated to do it and life doesn't interfere. Comments or bookmarks really help with motivation :)


	6. You can't fool me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is kinda dramatic, but not really??? Idk I just wanted to try my hand at something angsty

Although they spent most of their time together, there were still days that Grimmjow was busy. Four days into winter break Grimm told Ichigo that we was going into the red light district on some official Espada business, and he’d be back later that night. With nothing else to do, Ichigo called up his buddy Shinji and they wandered around the town mall drinking fruit smoothies.

“You know, you’re a real shit friend Ichi.”

“What?”

“Radio silence for weeks, and now suddenly you want to hang out because your first choice was unavailable? All because of this blue haired prick…”

“Shin, you know it’s not like that. It’s just, we’ve gotten so close. I never realized someone would actually want to spend their time with me.”

“I want to spend time with you!”

“That’s different and you know it. I think he may actually be serious about wanting to date me. For a while I was convinced that he was just playing with me because he had nothing better to do, but he seems to really like to have me around.”

“And do you want him around?”

Ichigo stopped at that. He’s never really dated a man before. He’s liked many in the privacy of his mind, but never acted on any of those feelings. Too much attention. He’s dated loads of girls, however, and was never really satisfied with any of those relationships. He always thought that he just needed the right girl to show up, but maybe it was flipped. Maybe he was just waiting for the right guy. Grimmjow was the opposite of anything Ichigo thought he wanted from a relationship. He could just walk into a room and all eyes would be on him, with his bright blue hair and handsome face. Tall, muscular, and ready to fight anyone who looked at him sideways. He was a blanket hog, and had no concept of personal space. He rough housed too much, and didn’t know when to quit. He could be unrelenting and heartless when it came to things he hated. He thought like a criminal and it showed. All those qualities that Ichigo thought he disliked, he found himself cherishing in Grimmjow.

Ichigo had always imagined that he would meet a simple girl who was average yet pretty, envisioned someone shorter and slighter than him. Someone who was as empathetic and selfless as him. Someone who softer and gentler than him, who had curves to compliment where he had his edges.

But Grimmjow. 

Grimmjow was none of those things and yet he found it hard to imagine not being with him, or at the very least not trying. 

“Yeah. I think I do.” He replied simply.

“Then I guess I can forgive you this time around. Just for the record, I think he’s bad news, so don’t come crying to me when he fucks around and breaks your heart. And you had better start spending more time with me you ass.”

“I know Shin. Thanks.”

Ichigo spent the rest of the day with Shinji until it started to get too dark and they decided to part ways. Ichigo figured Grimm was home by now and sent him a quick text. No response. By that time 

Ichigo was already at his front door. He knocked several times before trying the door handle. It was open.

“Idiot, you left your door unlocked again.”

All the lights were off in the flat, save the bathroom, whose light could be seen through the cracked door. The water was running. Ichigo sighed and shucked off his shoes, making his way over to the light.

“Hey are you home? You should really get into the habit of locking your-”

Ichigo stopped in his tracks.

There was Grimmjow, a sweaty mess sitting on the edge of the tub, bleeding like a stuck pig at his shoulder. The sink’s drain was plugged, and the water inside it was a rosey pink. The floor was smeared with red, and he could make out the shapes of footprints on the tiles. On the toilet seat sat a large nitro-pak first aid kit that had been ravaged by bloody fingers.

“Fuck, you scared me.” Grimmjow said through labored breaths.

Ichigo just looked at him, tears welling up in his eyes.

Grimmjow looked taken aback, as if he didn't expect an emotional response. “Shit, Ichigo, don’t do that. I-”

“Shut up.”

Ichigo unplugged the sink letting the pink water wash away down the drain, then grabbed a towel out from the hall closet and laid it over the slippery floor. From there, he washed his hands, pulled on some latex gloves from the kit, and got to work.

“Ichigo you don’t have to do this, I got it.” Silence.

“Stop, Ichi, I know this looks bad but I-”

“Shut the the fuck up right now, or so help me Grimmjow!”

Grimmjow didn’t say anything after that. Upon further inspection, Ichigo realized that it was an incised knife wound from the curve of his shoulder reaching nearly all the way to his right nipple. It was deep, but otherwise treatable. It was going to need sutures. He always thought that working at his father’s clinic was a waste of his time, but never had he been more thankful for it in his life. Like his father taught him, he cleaned the affected area with saline and got to suturing. Grimm stayed quiet the whole time, save the hissing and grunting at the needle. When Ichigo finished, he wrapped his shoulder with gauze and taped it.

“Can you make it to the living room?" Ichigo asked, avoiding eye-contact.

"Yeah I can, listen, babe I-" Grim began, but Ichigo was quick to cut him off. 

"I’ll join you when I’m done here. Don’t track blood everywhere.” Ichigo instructed, his voice firm despite the tears threatening to fall down his face. Grimm did as he was told without complaint. Ichigo scrubbed all the blood away from the floor and the sink until it was like nothing had ever happened. He dumped the bloody shirt and towels into a trash bag and met Grimm in the living room.

Grimm was sitting on the far end of the sofa, shirtless and sweaty. In any other situation, Ichigo might have felt a thrill up his spine at the sight, but today it just made his eyes burn with tears. Ichigo stood directly in front of him so that he was forced to look him in the eye.

“I’m taking you to the clinic tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“They’re gonna give you antibiotics, and you're going to finish them until they’re all gone.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t care where you are or what happened, the next time something like this happens, you call me. No matter what.”

“Okay.”

Grimmjow leaned forward into Ichigo, wrapping his good arm around him, and in turn, Ichigo threaded his hands into the blue hair at his waist.

“I’m sorry.” Grimm mumbled into his shirt.

“Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know how ya'll feel about this!


	7. In a world so violent, would you be a tyrant?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I started the rewrite of this thing the same month of last year and it's been on my mind, so here's a new chapter :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning, possibly OOC for Grimm

After Grimmjow had gotten stabbed Ichigo had become withdrawn. He pulled away whenever Grimm would reach for him or tried to pull him into a hug. He would shrug off a hand at his shoulder or waist, and avoid sitting very closely with him. After what Ichigo had to walk in on, Grimmjow didn’t try to push the matter, but he was at a loss. Ichigo wouldn’t go out of his way to avoid Grimmjow, but he clearly was uncomfortable with his presence. 

Sometimes when Ichigo was with him, he would catch these tiny pained expressions flash across his features, but be gone as soon as they came. Even his friends began to notice that he was acting abnormally, and began to look at Grimmjow with more speculation than normal. They likely assume the worst, Grimmjow thought. Though there was nothing worse than the face Ichigo made when he found him in the bathroom that night.

Grimmjow was supposed to go into the red light district with another Espada, Ulquiorra. They were supposed to interrogate a brothel Owner who had been gathering vital information on some of his customers. Ulquiorra was there to ask the questions, and Grimmjow was there to make sure he got answers. Things turned south when they realized that he was expecting them and had doubled down on his security. Grimmjow had downed every one of them, but was too careless. That carelessness earned him a knife to the chest. Not his first knife wound, but certainly the deepest. That stoic bastard left him alone to bleed out once he got the information he needed.

He barely made it home unnoticed, but he was weak and losing more blood by the second. He had never done stitches before and didn’t think he could try in his state. He was in the process of cleaning it before Ichigo came. Being the amazing person he was, Ichigo saved the day by giving him what felt like life saving treatment, if the pain he felt from sutures without antiseptic was anything to go by. Since then Grimmjow had been nothing but repentant. He’s always been open about the kind of life he leads, but Ichigo never needed to see the reality of it in that way. Never needed to be part of the bad days.

In hindsight, maybe this was for the best. Grimmjow was under no illusions of what kind of person he was. He knew that someone like Ichigo deserved better than someone like him. Someone less dangerous. Someone less damaged.

But he was selfish.

He didn’t want what they had to end. Seeing the redhead for the first time that day in the classroom, he knew he was screwed. Grimmjow never pegged himself as a queer, but there was something kinetic in the energy that Ichigo possessed. Maybe it was the hair, he wondered. It was the color of a sunset in the summer, bright and unapologetic in its intensity. It was the most eye catching color in a room besides his own of course. 

Maybe it was his eyes. At first glance, they can seem yellow, but when you double take, they’re definitely a shade of brown. Like honey and nutella on toast. Maybe it was his tempting physique. Unlike Grim, he was thin, but wiry. The muscle that was visible through his clothes said athlete, but the scar over his collarbone said delinquent. It may have even been his skin. He wasn't pale, but he wasn't tan either. The light dusting of freckles over his nose said that he spent time outside, but they didn't cover his whole face. It was cute.

So Grim had a soft spot for freckles. Sue him. 

All of these things about Ichigo were what drew him to the red head, but that wasn’t what made him stay.

Grimmjow had slept around before. He was no stranger to the company of male or female companions. He didn’t really care as long as he could feel really good. But for relationships? He always had a girl on his arm. It wasn’t worth the hassle trying to maneuver the societal hangups of wherever he was at the time dating a man. He felt like men were for fighting and fucking. Not love and domestic life. 

He had a few relationships here and there, and each one was the same. Eventually, he just got tired of the clinginess and the complaining. ‘Where are you all the time?’ ‘When can I see you again?’ ‘Why don’t you ever call me?’. So he had decided to stick to one night stands, or the occasional venture at the Den in Los Noches. Soon both lost their appeal.

Being with Ichigo…

Being with Ichigo was like warm sunshine beaming down on his skin. Whenever he was near him, something hot would spread along his chest up to his neck. Like American whiskey without the nail-polish remover taste. Being with Ichigo made him giddy. Sometimes when he saw him his hands itched to reach out and hold him close. Squeeze him. Make him mad so he can hear him say his name. 

He was beautiful when he was mad. 

That was the kicker. Grimmjow never thought that he could have these romantic feelings for a male. Never thought that he could even feel romance at all. He was definitely sexually attracted to Ichigo, but he didn’t want to have sex with him. He wanted to make love to him. He wanted Ichigo to feel every delight, thrill, and pleasurable moment he could give. He wanted bring him to climax in so many ways, so many times, that he could never replicate it with anyone else.

Only him.

But he fucked up. He forgot to lock the door like a fucking dumbass. He wasn’t careful like he should have been, and Ichigo got to witness the bloody aftermath. What's worse, he made him cry. Grimmjow didn’t know what to do when people cried. He always hated it when people were emotional and everyone knew it, so he’s never had to console anyone. But damn if Grimmjow wasn’t frantic to make it stop. After that night there was nothing that he could say or do that Ichigo was receptive to. This mistake was causing the redhead to slip right through his fingers.

He needed to talk to him. Really talk, and Grimmjow is the worst when it comes to big serious emotional talks. But if it meant choosing between having an intimidating conversation and losing this precious relationship he built with Ichigo, then he was gonna beat the shit out of that conversation.


End file.
